E-portfolio Writing: My Camp Experience - The Flying Kiwi

Describe It - Camp Experiences

Learning Objectives:

Level 3

• Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts, using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences

Level 4.

• Select, develop, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts. Using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Learning goals:

• To ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ the reader by painting a picture with words.
• A variety of sentence starters
• A variety of sentence lengths
• Edit and rework
• Effective peer checking and feedback

Flying kiwi

As the metal hook latch hold of the ropes they wrapped around me like a coil. The long ropes pulled me tightly as my body lays softly on the ground. I can feel my insides turn as i’m shocked in fear.

They count me down 3...2...1… GO!!! I drag across the ground asThe rope lifts me off the ground “bang”  the swing goes backwards Quickly. The ropes tighten below my head  as the ropes pull meHigher and higher back, forwards, back, forwards I reach the top at last.few!!!

Student reflection: In my writing, my goal is...Attempt complex punctuation eg: (' , -) I did show my writing goal because I...Tried to use them during my writing In my writing, my goal is...Ask others for feedback on writing and respond too their ideas. I did show my writing goal because I...reacted to others feedback on what they had to say about my writing My next step is to react on my other goal that i am not that good on and try to use it more in my writing Teacher Comment: Ollie, you have tried to recount your camp experience. You've also used quotation marks correctly for speech. I like the way you've described your feelings to hook the reader. Your next step is to understand text types, layout and structure. For example, how to layout and structure a moment in time.